If you’re a long-time reader of this blog, then you know I have a deal with myself: I have to post something here at least once every two weeks. I’ve only missed my self-imposed deadline twice, both times by one day, both times because I forgot. This time, I missed the deadline by a full week. Completely on purpose. I told myself it was because I have nothing to write about, but that’s never true. No, I’ve been avoiding this blog – and everything to do with writing, really – because I’m afraid.

GROUNDED will be published in two and a half months. After two and a half years of talking about it and blogging about it and building it up, we have apparently reached the big moment where I crawl under the covers and pretend it’s not happening. I have barely touched Tyme since Christmas. I’ve been hanging out with my family, teaching my classes, reading, playing video games, and deliberately ignoring the fact that the launch of my debut novel is almost upon me. When I’ve had to address book-related issues, I’ve done so quickly and distantly, and then immediately fled once more into the mists of denial.

Today, the fog started to lift. I think it’s because a very talented web designer, Jenny Medford at Websy Daisy, sent me a mock-up of what my new web site will look like, and it’s absolutely wonderful. Looking at the site design, it struck me anew that this IS happening, and I CAN’T hide from it, and even though all the scary parts are right around the corner, I’ve skidded well past the point of no return. And I’m glad. Because I worked hard. And I want this. And it’s going to be wicked cool.

So I’m not really sure why I’ve gone into retreat. My husband thinks it’s because I worked so hard, nonstop, for so long, that my brain finally decided to click off, to protect itself from breakdown. And I think he’s right to some extent, but I’m sure it’s also my brain’s way of coping with fear of the unknown. I can’t predict what’s coming. And I guess that’s always true, but there’s a certain predictability to the usual routine, and this whole debut novel thing is most profoundly not the usual routine.

Okay. I’ve written a post. Now forgive me while I run and hide again, while I still can. I’ll be back in a week or two, when I launch the new site.